Build a Sense of Security

Children with a sense of security feel safe and know there are people they can count on. Here are some suggestions for building a sense of security:

Set and share expectations.

• Let them know what the expectations are.
• Be aware that unrealistic demands can cause resentment, hurt, disappointment, or anger.

Give constructive feedback.

• It should be descriptive, not judgmental.
• It should be specific, not global.
• It should be immediate, not a reflection of the past.
• It should be task involved, not ego involved.
• It should be about behavior that the person can change.

Establish logical consequences for inappropriate behavior.

• Relate the consequence to the behavior.
• Be concerned only with what is happening now instead of punishing for the past transgressions.
• Avoid the use of a critical or punitive tone of voice.

Avoid labeling children and help your children avoid labeling themselves and others.

• Label the behavior, not the person.
• Labeling is disabling.

Celebrate when errors are discovered. Trial and error is a valid way of learning.

• Everyone makes mistakes. No one purposely makes mistakes.
• Use mistakes as an opportunity to teach, rather than to blame, label, or embarrass.
• Admit your own mistakes.

Help your children feel safe.

• Discuss unfamiliar places beforehand.
• Encourage new activities. Start with simple activities. Your children feel safer trying.
• Share childhood experiences.

Create a positive environment.

• Model positive behavior.
• Praise your children so that they become comfortable with praise.

Find special time.

• Try one-on-one time with each of your children.
• Do activities together with your children.
• Set aside some time each day to show your love.

Some fun ideas.

• Leave love notes.
• Create a list of positive terms.
• Make bedtime a special time.
• Leave a welcome note if they get home first.